I ran a marathon!

There's so much flying through my head. Where do I start?

The Good:
Well, let's start with this: I ran a freaking marathon. For you non-runners, that's 26.2 miles!! Holy crap.

Taken by Jenn and Sue at Mile 21

The weather was a little on the warm side (by the time I finished) but felt comfortable. Course was very nice. Organization was great. Course support was top notch. Crowds were encouraging. Other runners were uplifting. On-course entertainment was amusing and distracting. Finish area was excellent. My clothing choice (always a bit of a stress) worked just fine. My body felt good. I was sore and tired but not injured.

The Bad and the Ugly:
But did I have fun? Was it enjoyable? Am I pleased?

Sadly, no. Not at all.

I'm not gonna sugar coat this: It was brutal.

I'd contemplated running a full marathon and got serious about it this winter, deciding to just go for it, train adequately but not crazily, hold it loosely and try to enjoy the experience. I had few expectations other than finishing and, hopefully, having some fun.

I had a couple tough training runs because of life circumstances but I also had some very solid runs, proving my capabilities. Because I was feeling strong, and I'm a competitive person, marathon expectations started to form in my head. While I kept telling myself it was just about the experience, I couldn't help but build it up in my mind.

The progression:

"I guess my goal is 5 hours, but I won't be devastated unless I can't do it in 6."
"My goal is 5 hours, so anything faster than that is bonus!"
"Looking at my training paces, 5 hours should be no problem."
"I should be able to hit 4:45 unless something catastrophic happens, like an injury."
"I can walk the last 6 miles and still make 5 hours!"
"What if I can actually get below 4:45???"

I've run a lot of races, most with minimal stress. But this was the granddaddy of them all, and I got very, very nervous. By the time the weekend rolled around, my anxiety levels were kinda off the charts. A lot of things went wrong Saturday, and I was a wreck. My emotions were so close to the surface that when a race-expo volunteer was sorta rude to me, I started crying!

If you know me, you know I'm fairly tightly wound and impatient on a good day. Add in all that extra stress and anxiety and I was a mess. It just wasn't my day, and I wasted a tremendous amount of energy on that stress.

When race morning finally came, I still couldn't get out of my head. I felt doomed, and that's not a good way to run any race, especially one that's 26.2 miles!

I tried to stay positive. I warmed up after the first couple miles and then got into a good grove around Mile 5. My family was on the course, and I spotted them around Mile 6. Then came the hill around Mile 8. In retrospect, I should have just walked it. I think I got into some lactic acid that I couldn't ditch.

My plan was to run around 10-minute miles as long as I could, and then do my best. Unfortunately, my splits started creeping up around Mile 9. Too early.

Suddenly, it was getting hard - way too hard. By the half/full split at Mile 11, I was ready to quit.

I saw Brad again at Mile 16, and his photography sessions turned into counseling sessions. He walked with me several times, encouraging me to keep going. It was really great to have him along the course! (He rode around town on his bike, spotting me at several places along the course)

I just didn't have it in me to keep running. I started walking more and more and more. I couldn't even run a whole mile without walking. I watched my mile splits creep higher and higher, and when the 5-hour pacer ran past me, I nearly had a nervous breakdown!

Some runs are great and some runs suck. Some runs are easy and some runs are very tough. That's part of the game. Unfortunately, my sucky run hit on race day. Oh well.

**** BUT... I stuck it out. I stuck it out for 15 miles beyond what I wanted to do and what I thought I could do. It wasn't pretty, but I DID IT! Even a crappy marathon is still a marathon :)

I leapfrogged with a guy for at least half the race, unintentionally running every time he walked and walking every time he ran. After doing this for miles and miles, I finally said something to Allen, who was wearing his bib on his back (our names are on there). Then we joked back and forth the rest of the race.

I'm proud that I was able to stick it in the end, running the entire last mile, up the last street, around the track at Hayward Field and then kick as hard as I could across the finish line! I finished strong... and I beat Allen :)

I felt accomplished for finishing but incredibly disappointed in my performance, which was far below my ability. It feels like a failure. I'm embarrassed. And then I feel bad for feeling bad. A horrible cycle ;)

I hung out for a bit to refuel, rehydrate and rest. (Terrific finish area!) Then I reunited with the fam before heading back to the hotel for a cold bath and then a hot shower.

Highlights:
So you've heard my struggles, but there were a few highlights:

Allen, my accidental running buddy
Bagpipers at Mile 17
Friends and family who made the trip to cheer me on
Getting a free 26.2 sticker for my car
Having so much support from understanding friends and family after my race

My Numbers:
According to my trusty Garmin, I finished in 5:11:58 - an 11:52 average (I had 26.29 miles).

• Mile 1: 10:43
• Mile 2: 10:15
• Mile 3: 10:11
• Mile 4: 10:13
• Mile 5: 10:11
• Mile 6: 10:34 (first gel/walk break)
• Mile 7: 10:15
• Mile 8: 10:17
• Mile 9: 10:56 (the hill)

• Mile 10: 11:05
• Mile 11: 11:41
• Mile 12: 12:27
• Mile 13: 11:43
• Mile 14: 13:02
• Mile 15: 12:21
• Mile 16:11:25
• Mile 17: 14:34
• Mile 18: 13:08

• Mile 19: 13:07
• Mile 20: 14:25
• Mile 21: 12:06
• Mile 22: 13:51
• Mile 23: 13:03
• Mile 24: 13:03
• Mile 25: 13:00
• Mile 26: 11:32
• Mile 26.29: 9:57

My start was slow due to congestion, then I settled in. After the hill, I started fading. Then in those middle miles, I just didn't have it. I'm happy to see that I negative split for the last 5 miles! The end was near :)

:)