Talking to Children about Traumatic Events
by
Naomi Zikmund-Fisher
School Crisis Consultant
When violence, disaster or major accidents are in
the news, it's often difficult to know what to say to your children. What
follows are some general tips to help you help your children through whatever
may be frightening them -- and you.
• if your kids are discussing it, you need to
discuss it. If you don't, you send the message that it is too horrible to
discuss, and sometimes what kids imagine is worse than the facts.
• Stick to the facts. After an event, there may
be lots of rumors and unfounded information. Stick to what is known and say,
"We don't know" for the questions that don't have answers.
• Emphasize that the crisis event is a big deal
because it is unusual. Kids don't have the perspective we do as adults. Let them know that what makes the news is the
rare, not the common.
• Everyone deals
with a crisis experience in his or her own way. Some kids don't want to talk
about it and some kids do. Some kids may seem to be "inappropriate"
in what they say. Respond to the feelings and not the content -- a kid who
says, "That was so cool!" shouldn't be reprimanded. Just say,
"I'm sure those people were really scared" or "I was scared when
I heard about it."
• Children need you to model that it's okay to
talk about the feelings.
• When the main facts and feelings have come
out, it's time to get on with your regular routine. It is not healthy for
anyone to continue to dwell on a crisis for an extended period of time. Be mindful of the media flurry and monitor
television time.
• Short-term normal reactions
include changes in appetite and sleep. It may also turn up in children's
artwork and in conversations about other frightening or sad things they have
experienced. All of these things should fade as time goes on. If they don't, you
may wish to consult your pediatrician or someone in the mental health field.
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