Energy for the holidays

The holidays are coming. Actually, Halloween is just next week... so the holidays are HERE!

As I'm constantly told (as if I didn't know!), the "firsts" are the hardest. The holidays have always been a big deal in my family, so I'm quite anxious for this season.

Because so many people have told me they appreciate my honesty throughout this process, I thought I should share my thinking on this, too.

I'm too tired to decorate for Halloween this year. I've never not decorated for the spooky holiday. But during this time, I just don't have the energy. I do have a couple pumpkins on my front porch and a paper skeleton on my door. But I never even brought down my bins from the attic.

Next up: Thanksgiving.

Eryn, Brad, and I canceled Turkey Feast 2018. I've never skipped this annual tradition, but again, I just don't have the energy.

Eryn usually hosts Thanksgiving with the family, but we passed off the big meal to Ma and Pa this year. We aren't up for it.

Thanksgiving 2015

Then there's Black Friday shopping and our National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation viewing. I don't know yet. 

Then the big one: Christmas.

I'm just so unsure. I'm afraid it will be a really sad time. It will be really awkward if we act like everything's normal. But if we do think about and talk about Dad not being there, it will just be sad. Christmas isn't supposed to be sad, but I don't know how it won't be.

Mom, Eryn, Brad, and I are trying to decide what to do with it all. We're thinking about doing on a little trip after Christmas - something different.

And will I have the energy to decorate? Maybe not.

Scheduling problems have prompted us to cancel our handbell choir for the holiday season. So that means we won't be playing bells for Christmas Eve. Part of me is so relieved, as I don't have the energy for that, either. But I'm also sad for one more change and loss.

Ugh. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed - and to remember that I don't have to make all my plans now. I'm going to continue giving myself grace and flexibility, as I have been for 8.5 months.